


Unzip My Body and Pull My Heart Out

by Rusted_Crutches



Category: Bottled Up (Webcomic)
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Fighting, Gen, Light Angst, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rusted_Crutches/pseuds/Rusted_Crutches
Summary: “Why do you do it?”Arnick lets out a barely audible sigh of frustration “You are going to have to be a bit more specific.”
Relationships: Arnick Stiltion & Tetrox Gorgonzola
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Unzip My Body and Pull My Heart Out

**Author's Note:**

> Still taking an extended break from writing, this is just something I had before I decided to take a step back. I was in a funk when I wrote this so it isn't fantastic, but I thought in light of recent events I'd post some stuff I have in reserve. Not really in a mood to edit it so this is whatcha gonna get
> 
> Title from _Ramalama (Bang Bang)_ by Róisín Murphy

“Why?”

Arnick takes a long puff of his cigarette and looks over to Tetrox. She watches him intently, brows furrowed. She has her arms folded across her knees hands hugging near her elbows. Likely cold from sitting on the roof of their apartment building in a tank top without a jacket.

They’d been talking for hours.

He lets out a long exhale of smoke in the air, swirling and dancing as it slowly dissipates. He keeps the cigarette in his mouth for a couple of seconds, chewing on the tip. Taking it out of his mouth he holds it between two fingers and runs the other hand through his hair, combing it back.

“Why what?”

“Why do you do it.”

Arnick lets out a barely audible sigh of frustration and picks up a nearby beer bottle, taking a drink. “You are going to have to be a bit more specific.”

Tetrox pauses, looking thoughtful. She’s silent for a good minute, carefully considering her words. Arnick watches her out of the corner of his eye, taking in and noting every microexpression that crosses her face. Assessing, evaluating.

He ashes his cigarette into a nearby tray and returns it to his mouth.

An old habit he’s never been able to kick.

“Why do you…” she says finally, hesitating a bit “Why do you shut people out before they even have a chance to let themselves in?”

Arnick responds without a second thought “I don’t know.” He shrugs “I’ve just always been that way.” a line he hadn’t rehearsed in years.

She tilts her head “I don’t think that’s it,” she says gently.

He gives her a surprised look “Why?” he says “Is it so hard to believe that’s just the way I am?” he turns his attention back to his cigarette “Not everyone needs a reason,” he murmurs.

“Nuh-uh,” Tetrox shakes her head, smiling understandingly “Cyanthia and Bella love and tolerate you too much. That can’t be the end of it.”

He huffs, taking another drag from his cancer stick, turning over half of it to ash in seconds.

“And if that isn’t the end of it?” he asks, “You _genuinely_ believe I’ll tell you?”

She shrugs “No,” she admits “I’m just shooting my shot. Don’t seem like many people ask you ‘bout much of anything… maybe you need it.”

Arnick sighs and looks up at the stary night sky. Well, as star-filled as it could be in a city that never sleeps… Might as well be cloudy tonight. All he could see was the moon. He looks back to the ground at his feet, resting his elbows on his knees hand in his hair.

“Yeah, maybe I do.”

A beat passes between them.

“Well?” Tetrox asks expectantly.

Arnick shakes his head and takes one last drag of his cigarette, before disposing of the remnants of it into the ashtray next to him. Sitting back up, he leans back into a more comfortable position atop the old crate he rests on. He crosses his legs, ankle over knee, and uses one of his elbows for support, laying mostly on his side. Tetrox waits patiently next to him just a few feet away.

“I’m sure you know its no exaggeration when I say most people are afraid of me.”

She raises an eyebrow “More intimidated. You ain’t exactly the easiest fellow to approach—”

“No, no,” he cuts her off “There’s a difference between fear and feeling intimidated… One of them isn’t so subtle.”

“Then, by all means, _elaborate_ ,” she challenges him.

He rolls his eyes at her “Yes, the words are _synonyms —_ but they are not the _same_.” he huffs “Intimidation is run by feelings of inferiority or inadequacy when comparing yourself to another, and it can be easily masked and overcome. Fear, on the other hand…”

“Is much more obvious. When someone’s afraid, it’s not just all in the face, their body reacts too. You begin to sweat, heart rate increases, even adrenalin.” he shifts in his position slightly, his back starting to hurt from his current one. “You can keep your face from showing it, but you cant stop the natural way your body deals with it.”

“I’m familiar how the spirit body works,” Tetrox says “Most people are. Doesn’t make you an expert.”

“No,” he admits “It doesn’t.” his natural frown deepens into one more genuine “But taking note of how people react to your presence when you enter the room, for as far back as you can remember, you start to pick up on it quicker than most. It’s called _reading the room_.”

Tetrox’s face fills with sympathy “Nicky…”

“My parents paraded me around like a dangerous, exotic animal. Ever since I was a baby.” He tries not to clench his jaw .“They only held me when they had to. Refused to let anyone else interact with me too closely.”

He looks up at the sky, settling from anywhere but Tetrox and any possible judgment, letting his head fall limp.

“ _Oh, no, you really shouldn’t_ _ **handle**_ _him_. _He’s very **dangerous** you know. There’s enough here to take down every full-grown adult in this room. It only takes one bite — don’t **aggravate** him._”

“That’s… why— You were just a _baby,_ ” she says in horror.

“So are cobras. At one point. That doesn’t matter.”

Tetrox is appalled “You’re a regular _person_ , not a dangerous _animal._ ”

Arnick lets out a small pity laugh “That’s not how they saw it.” he lets out a sigh “And they made sure everybody knew.”

“One of the first things everyone I met knew about me was my _condition_. Only second to my name and relation to my parents. Before my personality, interest, everything… the first thing any kid my age or otherwise knew was to _fear me_.”

“Nicky, I’m sure there were times —”

She reaches out a hand to him, but he shifts away. It wasn’t just everyone else who fell susceptible to the propaganda. Spread enough lies about a person and they soon start to believe it too.

“Yes, I certainly had my fair share of encounters with people who I met by myself or didn’t know my family… But it never lasted long, of course. I wasn't allowed to wander off as you can imagine. My parents would be there within minutes to spread the word.”

He pauses for a long while before continuing. He doesn’t know if he was expecting Tetrox to say something else or not, but she never did. He should probably be thankful for that.

“But anyway, I suppose to answer your initial question _honestly_ …” he says a bit reluctantly. He didn't know if it was the shitty beer or... something else ridding of his inhibition. He takes another swig “...Is, it’s… _easier_."

"Easier?"

"I'd rather people _hate_ me more than _fear_ me, at least then they see me as a person," he says with a scoff

“Nicky... you're parents aren't — it's not like that anymore—"

"Isn't it?" he says cutting her off "My parents may not be here to announce to the world, but they don't have to." He sighs "Ambrosia is one of the most successful and fastest-growing outsourced bottling agencies in the entire city. It surpassed the fourth largest certified production company in nectar retrieval just last year." he sits back up, elbows on his knees "A company with an accomplishment like that under their belt... the top teams responsible for that success don't go unnoticed. We can't go anywhere without someone with a camera and a microphone up our ass, begging for an interview or trying to bribe us for company secrets."

"Every detail about me, from my name and address to my exes and distant relatives I didn't even know I had, it's all out there in the open for anyone. My _abilities_ are no exception. Everyone knows. You would have to be living under a rock."

Tetrox shakes her head "That doesn't mean they're automatically afraid of you."

He scoffs " _Everyone_ is afraid of me. There hasn't been a single person in my life who hasn't been."

"That can't be even remotely true—"

"Even _Cyanthia_ and _Belladonna_ ," he says darkly "They've gotten used to me, but they're still scared. Just a little. They try to hide it but I notice." he clenches his fist, staring blankly at the ground "The physical distance they maintain, the hesitation to grab my hand, gloves damned." he turns his head to keep his face out of view "And I know you think you are, but don't be mistaken — you're not any different."

A crate screeches across the roof and falls over as Tetrox quickly stands. " _That's not true and you know it_!" she says angrily. Not because she was trying to convince him of the truth. She was just offended. People often get uncomfortable when they discover something about themselves they rather have never uncovered.

Arnick stands, empty bottle in hand and reaching for his coat. He stretches his back and cracks his neck, staring up at the sky. It was too damn cold to be out here at this time of night.

"No, no, I completely understand, I do. Fear Its only natural," he pauses "because I'm afraid too."

A beat passes. He swallows hard.

"I'm afraid, because one day," he speaks quietly, voice scruff " _one day_ , I'm going to need to reach out for a hand to save me and of that _single_ moment of hesitation... is going to kill me."

Silence falls as neither of them says a word. Even the world around them seems to grow quite as the tense atmosphere only grows thicker. Not even the traffic from way down below on the busy city street seems to reach them. Not so much as a police siren.

They're there for a good long while before Arnick finally decides to turn and head for the door. Jacket folded over his arm he takes a moment to stack in front of Tetrox, and almost look her in the eye for the first time the entire night. She has her arms folded but he can't place her emotion. Her face is blurred and distorted. He can't tell if it's from being drunk or if he just hallucinated that whole thing. Though judging by the sharp sting on his face he can't seem to remember what from, it was probably real.

He continues towards the door.

"No need to worry. I've learned not to take it personally."

**Author's Note:**

> Ao3 has recently stopped counting views from logged out users making hit counts drop considerably. Please leave kudos if you enjoyed it! Comments are also appreciated but not necessary.


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